Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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