I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
