Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
