It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
