Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
