I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
