3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
