so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
