I hope mine doesn't look like that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize