thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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