I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
