apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
