I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
