sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
