it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
