there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
