It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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