Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
