go do what you do best...puke behind churches
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
