think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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