Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Welp...herpes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
