i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
