Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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