Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
