I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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