in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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