the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
