I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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