I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
