you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I didn't notice because vodka
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
