Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
