I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
