If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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