Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
