He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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