evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I came so hard my ears popped.
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