i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
