its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
