real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
