I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
