once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
