margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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