u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
