I cannot find my penis.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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