Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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