First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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