I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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