I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
