hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
