I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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