we have officially lost it.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
