when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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