Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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