sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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