I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
