We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize