Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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