Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
