We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
