i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
